Dear Baba,
20 years ago, you became a father. And I am pretty sure that you’ve grown to regret this decision as here I am, still embarrassing and irritating you with my antics. You know my friends call you the coolest person. I do not know why? Maybe because they saw that wannabe cool friendly side of yours. But if anyone would ask me to describe about you, I would describe you as a snooper who is so intrigued to know whom I am texting and whom I am meeting.
From the day I was born, you have always made sure that there is no stone unturned to satisfy me(of course I wasn’t fed with a silver spoon). The one thing that is going to be ingrained in me are those holidays esp.Saturday.We would spend our whole day outside and you would take me to my favorite food place. Do you remember once we fell from bike? Because we both (me and my brother) fought to sit in front and you lost your balance. Do you remember the first time I encountered fog I was so petrified that I started crying and you held my hand and made me grasp that it’s nothing but a thick cloud? Do you remember my crying doll that I used to carry everywhere and my hairy hat? Do you remember that I wouldn’t go to bed without you coming from office? Do you remember once I refused to go to school and you screamed so badly? (I still hate you for that)But I actually miss all those childhood stuff (not I am grown now).
But looking back to those days, I can say that you have not changed a bit (except that grey hair).
You are same, the one who went to school with me to make me a friend (because I couldn’t make any), the one who is so eager to know about my day to day affairs, the one who would make me laugh till my stomach hurts, the one who would be happy seeing me win and happiest when I lose (because you have always believed that failure is the best teacher). Honesty has always been important virtues to you. Even when I lied you would know it. You taught me that coming clean and being honest with the close one feels much better than hiding shame with lies. Do you remember that day when I came back home crying because my teacher scolded me? I cried so badly that I had big red puffed eyes. That day you took me to walk and made me realize that crying makes one weak. Thank you for always lending your ear and teaching me some real-life lessons.
Do you know when people say that I look like you, I say that I am not ugly like him (just to piss you off) but deep down I feel extremely delighted. From teaching me to ride a bicycle to helping me cross the road,from teaching me to write the first letter to teaching me to write down in checkbook(but I used blue pen in recent one;blunder) You are my first teacher,my motivator and my true critic. You are disarmingly patient,who is never in hurry to go anywhere or do anything and many a time I am late only because of you. You know I believe that instead of making mistake let’s not try only because I am very scared of mistakes but each day you try hard to convince me that one couldn’t learn without mistakes.So thank you baba for never giving up on me, for always having my back!
Baba! I have never said this to you nor will I ever say but every morning when I wake up I feel scared what if I couldn’t make you proud, what if I couldn’t fulfill the dreams that I have seen for you, what if I couldn’t pay you back for what you have given to me. Every morning I fear it and the next I see you pulling my blanket, pouring water into my ear or playing out loud Sadh GuruPrabhachan (exasperating feeling I tell you). I am not going to say that you are the best father. I don’t have any analytics or any additional father to compare you to. But you are the most father. I don’t have the capacity to tribute you accurately with word because that would take too many. You are a good person,happy old soul and the type of person that I have repeatedly tried and failed to become.
Anyway, baba this year I have become a little weird, but I made it. I am back. All the way. We have so much to do together and shine together.
With love,
Your first-born child!
- Sadhana Thapa
